I remember when Hannah and Lara were young, we often went to the folks festival in Lyons Colorado. We would cool off in the St Vrain river, where we would see rocks balanced as in this photo. Hannah and Lara would play there for hours, building balanced rocks. I wish I could find our photos of what they created. The trick was not to force it but to very gently find the center of gravity in each rock and place it in such a way that the rock's own center of balance would hold it in place.
This image is resonating for me these days; naturally being held in place by the Ground of my Being. I've been consciously and unconsciously preparing for surgery tomorrow. It's a case of knowing too much. I've had surgery and hospital stays often enough to know what the experience can be like afterward. So I am walking in with my eyes open. I've found myself off balance quite a bit this week. As with the rocks, I return again and again to find my center of gravity and build a steady peace from there.
On a physical level, I would say that my overactive immune system/scar tissue process (which has been wrapping around my intestines) needs to somehow get this same message. It has been trying to help and protect me from the trauma of surgery, but has been overdoing it. It needs to calm down and find peace, and trust Something Beyond over-functioning.
The twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous speak of a higher power that can restore our unmanageable lives to sanity. It is a process of panning out from what we're trying, unsuccessfully, to manage in order to see the "Whole" (another word for God, in my understanding).
Many of you will be praying for me (holding me in Love) tomorrow. This means so much to me, to be held and supported in this way.
My surgery is at 8:30am (we leave the house at 5:30. Ugh!) I will be listening to two of my favorite songs: "Calm Me Lord as You Calm the Storm", by Margaret Rizza, “be ok” by Ingrid michaelson, “beautiful “ by Alexis Murdock and "My Peace" by Taize both can be found on Youtube. I'm communicating the deepest "All Manner of Things Shall be Well" (Julian of Norwich) to each of you, to myself and to my overzealous immune response.