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  • Writer's pictureAli

"From and Into"

I've gotten a few requests this week for an update. It's nice to feel your caring in that request.... a reminder that I am connected in more ways than I usually know.

So the scoop is (where did that phrase come from?!?):

Last week, my blood draw showed that my platelets and other blood counts (hemoglobin, white blood cells, red blood cells) were very low. So I have tried to lay low and not expose myself to infection or sharp objects (platelets are what clot the blood, so a cut would be a big deal). That being said, aside from some occasional dizziness and sleepiness, I feel pretty good. I've enjoyed water-coloring while soaking in the sun with my wide brimmed hat to protect my face.

Next week, on Thursday, I go for cat scans.

I noticed a few days ago that I couldn't sit still. I felt myself in a buzz of compulsive activity. It wasn't productive activity, but just a buzzing, uncomfortable movement that I noticed. When I paused to feel what was underneath it, I could sense myself running from something. Then the tears came. I'm very anxious about Thursday. I anticipate what we will see/not see, with both hope and anxiety. It's an unknown that will become more known in just a few days. I realize I have found comfort in not getting any new information during the past two weeks since the last chemo. In addition to this, we will pick a date for surgery, so that will become more of a tangible reality.

The above photo speaks to me of relationship. Each set of leaves is held by a larger interaction of leaves, which is held by a larger interaction, which is held by "All-That-Is" (this week's name for God). This morning, I pause and feel the way I am speaking FROM that whole interaction back INTO that whole interaction, and that's connecting and comforting.

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Thank you, Ali, for sharing your thoughts, joys, hopes and fears! It has taken me a long time to grasp Julian of Norwich's reassurance that "All shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well", but every now and then I get a glimpse into this state of peace, hope and faith. May the power that is "All that is" fill you as you face whatever news the CAT scans bring! Much love to you!


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