I've gotten a few requests this week for an update. It's nice to feel your caring in that request.... a reminder that I am connected in more ways than I usually know.
So the scoop is (where did that phrase come from?!?):
Last week, my blood draw showed that my platelets and other blood counts (hemoglobin, white blood cells, red blood cells) were very low. So I have tried to lay low and not expose myself to infection or sharp objects (platelets are what clot the blood, so a cut would be a big deal). That being said, aside from some occasional dizziness and sleepiness, I feel pretty good. I've enjoyed water-coloring while soaking in the sun with my wide brimmed hat to protect my face.
Next week, on Thursday, I go for cat scans.
I noticed a few days ago that I couldn't sit still. I felt myself in a buzz of compulsive activity. It wasn't productive activity, but just a buzzing, uncomfortable movement that I noticed. When I paused to feel what was underneath it, I could sense myself running from something. Then the tears came. I'm very anxious about Thursday. I anticipate what we will see/not see, with both hope and anxiety. It's an unknown that will become more known in just a few days. I realize I have found comfort in not getting any new information during the past two weeks since the last chemo. In addition to this, we will pick a date for surgery, so that will become more of a tangible reality.
The above photo speaks to me of relationship. Each set of leaves is held by a larger interaction of leaves, which is held by a larger interaction, which is held by "All-That-Is" (this week's name for God). This morning, I pause and feel the way I am speaking FROM that whole interaction back INTO that whole interaction, and that's connecting and comforting.