I've found great comfort in the power of Spring. You just cant argue with it! Stepping outside to find these amazing flowers which, by the way, are known for the way they show their colors even while snow and frozen earth still covers the ground.
I found, on the first few warm days, I was outside often, taking a gazillion photos. In the process, I completely forgot my diagnosis for significant periods of time. Alleluia!! Spring is powerful to me, gets into my blood. It is resurrection without words, it is reliable, even as it cant always be pinned down to arrive on time. It is a God thing. Emerson writes, "The earth laughs in flowers" and I feel that. Thank you!!
I was due to have my final chemo treatment yesterday, only to learn that my platelet count is too low. So I am hoping for a quick rise in my platelets so I can do my last chemo next Wednesday.
A big surgery is scheduled for May sometime, as soon as I regain strength after chemo. The hospital stay will be about a week. The surgery will involve unblocking my intestines, which are being blocked by my overactive immune response, which sends tendrils of scar tissue and likes to adhere to things and wrap around them (go figure). So somehow, I need to communicate to my immune response that all is well in my abdomen and it can take a break. It does not need to have such an inflamed response and it can detatch, back off a bit. Funny, that's something all of me is wanting to learn.
All of this has been difficult, and continues to be. I miss my hair, my flesh, my freedom to eat (its difficult to be a social critter without sharing food), and my freedom of movement (all these tubes and wires get tangled). The other day, I was sitting knitting while listening to a book on tape on my phone with earphones. I looked down at the tangle of my feeding tube, my stomach venting tube, my yarn my circular needles, and the long chord of my earbuds. I realized I was tied in! I couldn't move without some serious detangling.
There is an uncertainty I am sometimes getting used to and that other times overwhelms me to tears. Many say life is always uncertain, whether we know it or not, but the fact that I know it is a new and difficult, often painful thing to adjust to.
I value each of you, the ways you are reaching out, praying, caring, laughing and cursing with me.
I will blog again, sooner than last time, I hope.