A series of events this month, including surgery for a bowel blockage and another hospital stay a week later, revealing that my body is creating too much scar tissue, which is wrapping itself around my bowels, has meant that, for the time being, I am being nourished by a feeding tube and cannot nourish my body by mouth. For pleasure, I may take up to 24 ounces of liquids in by mouth each day, but only what I can easily sip through a straw.
Further surgery and decisions about this dilemma will wait until I complete chemo in 6 ish weeks.
Good news is, while in surgery, they saw no sign of new cancer growth.
Bad news is, I’m craving pizza, burgers, Thai food, ice cream sandwiches, chips, crackers and any kind of crunchy, chewy, salty delight that defies the use of a straw. Got creative today and added coconut milk, a little salt and some curry powder to my chicken broth, and actually enjoyed sipping on this, followed by an ice pop.
My deepest existential questions of the day all involve food and the meaning of life. Is a life without crunch and chew a life worth living? The verdict is still out.
Dear Ali. I sure hope that by now you have enjoyed several pizzas and other yummies... Tomorrow is your birthday... a more significant one this year than others. In light of your amazing words here that you have shared with us I have been searching for some for this occasion... wishes, so to speak. Today I was thinking of how I wish you refuge in the face of living with this untameable something that shadows your birthday. This is what I found: " Refuge: - I will never forget it. I was walking around Ground Zero. It was two days after 9/11. The buildings were still on fire. We were passing out water. Socks. Prayers. Anything that would he…
Dear Ali, I love your flavor additions to your chicken broth!! Very creative and resourceful! I appreciate your existential dilemmas. Not to sound trite, but sometimes I wonder if life without wine would be enjoyable? In the meantime, please know that we celebrate the news of no new cancer and lift many prayers and healing thoughts for your beautiful body to be made whole! Love, Sheila
Dearest, Ali - I've been at a loss for words (talk about being inarticulated) since reading and learning what you've been through these 6 months. I am so sorry you've been going through this very difficult time. My heart literally hurts as I type this. I also feel such incredible hope for you as you seem to be making some incredibly positive steps forward even as you've had this most recent setback. I was deeply moved by your blog entries...your words and the power they have are very impactful! That experience you had of having that Shalom rock wash up on shore and how it just happened to fall in your hands is such a reminder how you are being…
Dearest Ali - adding insult with injury to injury this is... I'm so sorry! I caught a glimpse at how rotten this it when Josh had this last year - that's why he was in the hospital for 6 weeks while I was in Germany when my Mom died. He too needed surgery... but he is fine now, enjoying all his favorite foods - and I'm praying you will be too very soon (And I know you will be smart about starting up slowly again when the docs give you the green light. Josh let his cravings get the best of him and ate a plate of barbecued pork right out of the blocks. Poor darlin was sicker t…