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  • Writer's pictureAli

Breathing Room

For three months, I have not had the pleasure of eating food. I have been fed by a feeding tube. I have been able to drink liquids, but no food ( no BLTs, no Vietnamese spring rolls with peanut sauce, no new york pizza with grease that drips down your arms, no crackers with cream cheese and jalapeno jelly, no sectioning of an orange...…).

Maybe that's why smell has become much more pronounced. Especially the smell of the branches of juniper. I often pluck juniper branches on my walks and crush them between my fingers to release the beautiful, powerful, cleansing, invigorating smell.

When I think about the encouraging news I received this week, I wondered how to explain my experience of it. The smell of citrus feels like the best image. I feel the invigorating sensation of more breathing room. When I smell citrus, it has that effect... the invigorating sensation of a deep, lively inbreath, or the sense of entering a room that is bigger than the one I was in.

I spent a day at the hospital getting cat scans and getting bloodwork done. This was followed by a meeting with my surgeon/oncologist. The encouraging news is that there was no cancer seen on the cat scans. In addition to this, the blockage in my intestines seems to be resolving a bit. My inflammatory/sticky scar tissue attachments, that had been wrapping around my intestines, seem to be relaxing and maybe even backing up/letting go. I have many ideas of who to thank for that, including some amazing Accupuncure and Qigong support, supportive Family and Friends who have listened beyond my words, lots of watercoloring … and YOU!

Thank you to each of you who have been praying, loving, imagining on my behalf!

And your prayers and love still matter to me. I am not out of the woods yet.

Surgery is now scheduled for May 13th … IF … my blood platelets multiply quickly and rise to 70 or above by Wednesday. I will have labs Monday and Wednesday to see how they are coming along. I am still very low on platelets and white blood cells and have to avoid any chance of bleeding or exposure to infection.

Surgery will involve removal of my stomach tube and full examination of and any necessary repair of my intestines, as well as attention in some form to my scar tissue.

Time for a lemon ice pop!

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